Thoughts From The Water Closet

I have decided that my best thinking is done when cleaning a bathroom.

For instance, I was cleaning my bathroom yesterday and thinking about shaving my legs (hello, I had just quoted Deana Carter in my life AND my blog) and I thought to myself "You should've said something on your blog about how you really haven't shaved your legs and you need to do your annual leg shaving."
And THEN I started thinking, how WEIRD would it be if you really only shaved your legs once a year??? Like, it's been mandated by decree, and there are government officials who monitor these things??

So my question to you is this: when would you choose to shave your legs? 

I was thinking Christmas, because it's my favorite time of the year, but then I thought "No, it's cold outside so I'd get goosebumps and the hair would grow back faster than it would in the summertime." And then I thought "But I like putting lotion on my legs after shaving, except in the summertime I hate putting on lotion because I'm already sweating 24/7 so my skin doesn't need any additional moisture."
Truly, this is a baffling concept that someone should base a futuristic novel on. Don't you think? Like they play "games" to the death if they shave their legs more than once a year? Games that involve...HUNGER?!?!?!?

It also reminded me of the time in middle school when my friend Shelley randomly asked "Wouldn't it be strange if our eyebrows were under our eyes, rather than over? Would we think a person looked totally ugly if they were born with eyebrows above their eyes?"
Which really makes you think, doesn't it??

Then I started thinking about how I need to dust after I finish cleaning the bathroom. Okay, look y'all, I love Christmas, right? I just said it was my favorite time of year (I hope you're paying attention, because this is for a grade). Also, I love Christmas decorations. But the thing IS, I am not really a knick knack person. I don't have a tremendous amount in my home. There is a shelf over the TV that has some pictures and things from travels and such, and a few other things here and there, but I just don't put them up because they have to be dusted. I hate dusting things like that. All of the crevices and careful handling and blah blah blah.
One exception, which I have for the lack of knick knacks, is Christmas time. Although, I don't like to refer to my Christmas decorations as knick knacks because, really, they're like my own children. I just love them so. However, I don't think I want to dust them as regularly as they ought to be.

My point is, if you come over to my home, and behold my modest collection of nutcrackers (more on that later) will you please just assume that the grayish/white substance on them is fake snow? I would be much obliged.

These are the deep thoughts that I have while cleaning the water closet.

P to the S: Last night, I was driving Beehives (12 and 13 year old girls, not homes for bees) around, doing good deeds and what not, and they were discussing the haunted houses they went to at Halloween time. One of them told us that at one point she got so scared she grabbed the person next to her, who happened to be a complete stranger. To play it off, she growled/made ghost noises at the woman, pretending that she (my beehive) was one of the haunted house people.
Oh man, I love those girls.

Also, it's still November, and I'm not QUITE ready to let go of all of the pumpkin, and fall spices, and what not (it's very difficult for me to have a foot in both autumn AND Christmas; glorious be December 1st when my feet are firmly planted on the side of Christmas) so here's one last glimpse on this fall. Which is not yet past. And which felt like summer most of the time. Here in the Lone Star.


Me: Something tells me that if a kid saw his mommy kissing Santa Claus, they wouldn't be too excited. And I don't think daddy would be laughing about it.
Mike: Well, this is the time of year for adulterers and date rapists to come out.
Me: that one of those 30% of statistics are made up type things?