The Magic Of My Marriage

Let it be known, throughout all of the land, that waiting 5 days to vacuum my couch is just too long. I could almost hear it gasping for air as I vacuumed off all of the Pete hair. And our clothes were probably starting to look more like Pete hair than clothes, too.

Aren't animals supposed to be shedding less in the winter times anyways???

I had "The Doctors" on while I was vacuuming (I hate that show, they're just so.....) and Jillian (who is NOT a doctor) was talking about how the first hour after exercising is magic time, so you should eat a really good meal. Those are the times when I say to myself "Your metabolism is working really well right now, you should definitely eat 5 cookies, because it will be like you never ate them at all!"
Do you see my logic?

And now, for your afternoon entertainment, a conversation:

I walked into the office last night, just in time to read the computer screen and help Mike with the game he was playing.

Me: Mike! You can't carry that much stuff, you won't be able to run as well!!
Mike: (laughs)
Me: You probably shouldn't wear that horned helmet either. The other day, I was in the tavern, telling Gorlath that if he didn't wear so much horned and armored clothing, then he'd be able to run so much better.
Mike: (ignores)
Me: What. Is. That. Is that some sort of tiger? Or bear? Or bear tiger? Is that a saber tooth tiger? Oh my gosh you're killing it! You're killing the bear tiger! I thought you said this game was-
Mike: Wholesome.
Me: Watch out there's a bear! A real one this time! You need to put your arms up and yell because that scares bears away!
Mike: (ignores)
Me: You're just leaving it in the river?? You're not even going to use it for religious, sacrificial purposes??? What a waste!
Mike: I just took a bunch of stuff from him.
Me: Oh there's a house, I see that now. Is that the bear's house? Do bears have houses in this world? What did you say this game was?
Mike: Wholesome.
Me: And educational?
Mike: Yes. I'm learning how to be a viking.

Later that evening,

Me: I helped you win that game, huh?
Mike: (silence)
Me: I SAID, I helped you win that game, huh??
Mike: I just farted.
Me: (mumbling) so I shaved my legs for this...

I won't tell you what Michael said next, because I'm pretty sure both of our mothers read this blog.