Some Things That Have Happened When I've Been In A Doctor's Office

So, I went to the doctor today to talk about the weird, tingly feeling my left arm has been having as of late. She did a full neuropathy? test on me. It was kind of fun! She actually pulled out one of those little hammer things and hit it against my knees and elbows and feet and what not (my right elbow was very slow to respond, in case any of you needed to know for the future). Then I had to perform a drunk test in which I had to touch my finger to hers and then my nose. And then walk toe heel. And then say the alphabet backwards. Okay maybe not so much on that last part.
The bottom line is, I left the office with an order for an MRI of my brain in the event that the neurologist, that she is going to talk to, thinks I need to be scanned for multiple sclerosis. MS??? WHAT?? Really, that was the farthest thing from my mind when I went in today. Once again, I go into a doctor's office thinking one thing will happen, when something else does. Do y'all know what I'm talkin' 'bout? You've experienced this right? (I'm not worried about this possible MS screening by the by. We'll see. I'll keep y'all posted.)

This got me thinking, how many other times have I gone into a doctor's office, for one reason or another, and things take an unexpected turn for the...interesting? Catastrophic?

For example, one time I went into work, at the pediatric doctor's office, fully expecting it to be a normal day. (Normal at that place usually included the over-reactive parents, comments from a cute 4 year old about what kind of computer I should buy, and screaming infants.) But on this particular day, none of us expected Mr. Jones (names have been changed to protect the innocent and disgusting) to bring his kid in for diarrhea. Okay, we were probably expecting him to do that because he called ahead and made an appointment and we knew what they were coming in for. But none of us expected Mr. Jones to bring his kid in for diarrhea and proceed to let her (she was maybe 2. MAYBE) wander around their exam room, for the better part of 10-15 minutes, without her diaper on because 'it just felt better for her.'
2 year old. Diarrhea. No diaper. 10-15 minutes.
You can imagine the carnage that ensued in said exam room. I myself did not see it, but I don't think any of us will ever forget that day.... (Seriously, what are some people thinking? Or lack thereof?)

There was one time, I was a nanny, and I met the girls' mom at their doctor's office, for some something or other appointment, and I saw a face off (seriously, I expected gloves and silky robes to come out) between the doctor and a 3 year old about whether or not she should be sucking her thumb. (Have you ever seen a 70 year old man argue with a toddler?) It was intense.
Unexpected? Yes. Hilarious? Even more yes!

This one wasn't too funny. At all. This one was humbling. Very humbling. Before I moved to Austin, I worked as a medical assistant in the greatest practice on the face of the earth. While I worked there, there was never a morning that I woke up thinking 'Oh crap. I have to go to work today.' It was more like 'I get to go to work today! YES!!!' I love them. Still do. My mom works for them now, that lucky lady. Anyways, I was giving a shot to a patient for I don't remember what, and for some STUPID reason, I went to put the cap back on the needle (you never never NEVER put the cap back on the needle; stay tuned to find out why) and I poked myself in the finger with it. The first thought in my brain was 'I just poked myself with a dirty needle. Should I tell Dr. Pierce? No I'll be fine.' I excused myself from the room, closed the door, and a voice inside of me said 'GO TELL HIM NOW.' So I did. That was the only time I ever saw him look devastated. He grabbed my arm, ran into the lab, and proceeded to run hot water over my finger while he squeezed the dear life, and most of the blood, out of it. (Afterwards, we looked it up on line and it turns out your not supposed to do that... Oh well!) Then Matilda (his wife/office manager/I love her) went in to explain to the patient (couldn't have been a nicer guy!) that we needed to draw his blood and my blood to run tests for HIV, hepatitis and what not. Have any of you ever experienced the joy of knowing your blood is sitting in a lab somewhere being tested for HIV? Joy people, just pure joy. I think I was in a state of shock/denial right after it happened, and it wasn't until Matilda hugged me that it hit me and then I just started sobbing. I went home and told my mom about it and she told me to go run. She always knows the right thing to say. A good run was just what I needed to clear my head. And no worries, both of our tests came back good. I don't think I've ever been grateful for a complete stranger living a clean life, but I was then. So yeah, I definitely wasn't expecting that on that day when I went into a doctor's office.

Also, one time I overheard a mom freaking out that her daughter had diabetes because they left her wet diaper out on the back porch (I know, right?) and ants crawled in it and she was sure it was because her urine was full of sugar. Let that one roll around in your brain for a few seconds.

One of these days I'm hoping I go in for what I think is like a dislocated ear lobe or something but it really turns out that I'm with child.

Oh doctor's offices. Such a magical, disgusting... I can't think of anymore words to describe them.

The end.

Now, would you like a funny picture of me and Mike? I know, me too!

Wow. If ever a picture told the story of my marriage, then this is it.