The Rantings Of A Mad, White Woman (Not Much Different Than The Ramblings)

So, I'm frustrated with the scale currently. Now, I understand that I am not horribly over weight, and I'm very blessed to have lost the weight that I have, but this is still getting aggravating.
I have been
for the better part of 2 months, running/walking 4 miles (give or take) 4 to 6 days a week, trying to make a dent in these 10 pounds that I gained because of the miscarriage.
I have GAINED two pounds.
(when I saw that on the scale, in one VERY brief moment, I thought "I could totally see why some people are anorexic." Don't even worry, that moment passed and then I remembered how much I love bread.)
I'm truly baffled by this.
So I came to the conclusion, last weekend, that it's time to go back to counting calories.

I. Hate. Counting. Calories.

I have done it a couple of times before, and it DID help me lose 5 or so pounds. For the most part, however, I lost the weight that I did before, because I used portion and self control.

I think my self control is the problem here.
Also, my mind (those are kind of the same thing though, right? my mind and my self control?).
I hate the saying "mind over matter." When it comes to exercising and eating right, my MIND is the problem. When I'm out running, I could be one minute, only one!, into the run and my mind is already saying "Ugh. Seriously. This again? You know I don't like this."
I'm convinced that my mind didn't start losing weight when my body did 5 years ago. It still thinks it's holding onto the 30ish pounds (getting closer to 20ish now..) that are gone, and is in no condition to go 4 miles a day, so it tries not to.
9.8 times out of 10, though, my body says otherwise and my mind gets shoved back into the car where it sits and waits for my body to get back from running. It's hard for my mind to be yelling at my brain when Kanye is doing it at the same time (look, I can't stand him either. But he's got a couple of songs that are great for running).
Also, when it comes to food, my mind thinks way further ahead than my stomach does. My stomach says "Whoa! Hold on there little camper! Let me digest this chicken breast properly and THEN we'll see about those cookies." Whereas my mind says "You just had dinner/lunch/inhaled/talked on the phone, you need dessert. NOW. YESTERDAY."
It probably doesn't help that all of my favorite foods involve carbs and sugar (are those the same thing?).

I just want to go ahead and thank everyone for making this rant possible and letting me get it off of my chest. I got all fired up about it when I was reading an article about "simple" ways to lose weight. I don't know why I read it, I hate those things. One of the first things they always say is "Cut out cokes and going out to eat and you'll drop 2 sizes in no time flat!" Okay seriously, what about those of us who don't go out to eat that often or haven't drunk (drank? drinked? drunken?) an entire coke in YEARS? Literally years. Sometimes I have a sip of Mike's Dr. Pepper, but I just never drink cokes (for those of you not from Texas, cokes in this sense refers to all carbonated beverages, as well it should). The carbonation makes me feel fat and blah.
I think the people who write these "simple" ways to lose weight articles also write the "simple" ways to save money articles.
Again, one of the first things is always "Stop going out to eat" or "Stop using a credit card." I DON'T DO EITHER OF THOSE THINGS!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
(this is the part where I go running out the door, screaming)

(this is the part where I walk back through the door, looking slightly more subdued. But only slightly)
I guess I'm gonna have to do what I always do, eventually, in every kick-in-the-pants situation:
go cry to the Lord for mercy and strength and pray that my body will have more of a say than my mind does.

In more informative news, did you know that egg roll wrappers are in the PRODUCE section?? Who knew?! I did not, which is why I spent the better part of 15 minutes walking up and down the "international food" aisle at the HEB and wondering where the heck I was going to find egg roll wrappers.
Also they have to be refrigerated which makes sense, now that hindsight is 20/20. They ARE made with eggs after all. So is it like raw eggs? Is that why they're refrigerated? Clearly, I have much to learn when it comes to making my own Asian food.
I can't begin to tell you how excited Mike was to see egg roll wrappers in the fridge. It was ALMOST like Christmas.

p.s. Can we please not forget that this happened nearly a year ago (on Sunday)?

This was about the moment that I started to cry. YES I CRIED. 
Have you not learned yet that I am an emotional basket case (I blame my mother, not for making me an emotional basket case, but...well she cries so I cry. You know?)? And that I am in love with Kate the Great??
Also, it was like 3 o'clock in the morning on this side of the pond! I was sleepy and elated and hungry! 

p.s. again. In all seriousness, I have two dear friends, Aundrea and Paul, who would love very much to be having a child in their life. If you know of anyone who is expecting and considering adoption, please pass on the info for Aundrea and Paul's blog. You can find it HERE. Or their LDS Family Services profile HERE.
These two would be amazing, and I mean AMAZING, parents.