Fail: The Public School System

Can we please be having another post related to Christmas?

So, I've decided that the public school system failed me. They might've failed you too. It's very possible that they're also failing your children. Right now. It's 11:55, DO YOU KNOW WHERE THEY ARE!?! Not in school I hope, what with all of the Christmasing and eating of latkes and what not going on this time of year.

Anyways, my point is, raise your hand if you love classic literature.

I would raise my hand here but with an asterisk next to it for a footnote. I love classic literature. I looooooove it. But only if I think it's enjoyable to read (that's the footnote, fyi).

Now, this is MY definition of classic literature: it could be anything from "The Odyssey" to "To Kill A Mockingbird." Oh my gosh that book changed my life and made me fall in love with real, live, actual books. I've read for pretty much my entire life, but when I read that book, my sophomore year of high school, it was like a sign flashed on in my brain that said "Old Books Are Good Too." (and then my junior year of high school, Mrs. Thomas introduced me to Harry Potter and that's a love affair for an entirely different post. As a side note, when I walked into Mrs. Thomas' room the first time, she said "You're a Wright?? There's another one?!" To which I replied "I'm not the last one..." And for anyone who cares, I think she taught 5 out of 5 Wright children. I'm not sure if she taught Angie?)
That was my sophomore year of high school, right? Let me explain my aversion to "old books" as my brain chose to call them.

I'm going to blame it on my freshman English teacher. She shall remain nameless, but suffice it to say she was nuts. And not in a cute, endearing way like how I'm nuts. You know? The kind of nuts that is over protective of her timer (I don't know, seriously, it was weird) and goes crazy if you move it (also, there was one time we read "Romeo and Juliet" out loud as a class, and I said repeatedly that I would like to read the part of Mercutio, because he was my favorite in the movie -Leo and Claire version-, and everyone knew I wanted to read the part and yet she gave it to someone else. I don't remember who it was but they were super nice and traded parts with me. ANYWAYS)
She didn't make us read "A Tale of Two Cities" in its entirety, but we discussed it in great length, and I wanted to shoot my eyes out. She DID, however, make us read "Great Expectations" in its entirety and I not only wanted to shoot my eyes out, but stick my arm in a blender at the same time.

Charles Dickens and I were not on speaking terms. I had decided that he was more boring than math and he had decided that I was more obnoxious than Eminem's hair (it was a big thing then, remember? Guys bleaching their heads. Darius did it too).

So, right, we haven't really spoken in....twelve year? Up until a couple of weeks ago, I blamed it on him. I thought it was entirely his fault. Little did I know, it was the public school system's fault. Who picks the literature we're supposed to read anyways?!?! (Obviously I'm completely contradicting myself here since I already stated my love for "To Kill A Mockingbird")
My mom and Angie, my sister of the elder kind, have been going on and on, for a good 5 years, about how good "A Christmas Carol" is. And I always brushed it off by saying "If there aren't musical interludes involving people dancing in circles around giant Muppets, then I want nothing to do with it!"

So said the close minded, obnoxious foe of Dickens.
But then I decided to read it.

You guys.



It was a spiritual experience!

Oh my gosh, it is a WONDERFUL book. And HILARIOUS! Who even knew that someone who could write characters as depressing as Pip or Oliver, could write something as witty as "A Christmas Carol"?!
I loved it, and I highly recommend it to each and every one of you. It's officially going into my round of books to read at Christmastime (I also read "Red Bird Christmas," in which bosoms are referred to as "wherewithals," and I'm currently working on "A Long Fatal Love Chase" which has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas but I read it anyways, moving on). Did you know that all three Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future are MALE?? I had no idea! Hollywood had me believing that the Ghost of Christmas Past was a girl! And ALSO, the Ghost of Christmas Present takes Scrooge around the entire world to see Christmas in other places. I know, right? Amazing.

So, if any of you reading this happen to be on some official board of people who decide the books that teenagers must sludge through for the better part of four years, you should definitely throw out that other boring stuff and focus, for an entire semester, on "A Christmas Carol." Because you can't have too much Christmas. Or maybe you can, as Elmo taught my little sister years ago (I hate that freaking monster. Elmo, I mean, not Holly).

Thanks Chuck!

In closing, I am going to say that the need to eat sugar and spice covered walnuts and pecans is a good and healthy thing, because nuts are a good fat.