I had an amazing epiphany this morning. As I was listening to the "Today Show" (I love Matt Lauer. I would invite him to my wedding, but I don't know him and I'm already married), and running about getting things done before going to work, I heard the noise. The noise that is worse than fingernails on a chalkboard. It's as if a herd of long nailed tigers were scratching their nails on a chalkboard while Jessica Simpson was singing a country song and Nancy Pelosi was giving a speech. That's one of the worse combinations of noises, I think. Anyways, the sound I heard was that bad.
And now I will share it with you.
Here it is:
I. Can't. Stand. That. Furry. Red. Monster.
Seriously. I know that people who don't have kids always say "I'll never blah blah blah when I have kids" and what not, and then they do whatever they said they wouldn't, but I am here to say that I will do everything in my power to keep my children from liking Elmo. Or even knowing he exists.
As I heard his annoyingly high pitched voice sing a song that is anything but "hard core," I finally pin pointed what it REALLY is, about him, that annoys me. He talks in third person. Oh how I hate talking in third person! I don't like doing it, I don't like hearing anyone else doing it, it makes me want to punch Nancy Pelosi in the face. I can almost GUARANTEE, that when I am speaking to my children, I will not be referring to myself as mommy.
Also, can I just come out and say that 'Sesame Street' was so much better before half of it was devoted to him. Problems and stories that used to take the entire hour to unfold and solve (interspersed with "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12, doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo!!), are now crammed into 30 minutes. IT IS A CRYING SHAME PEOPLE!!!
Now, I would like to make it clear that I do not feel this way about all puppets.
Oh the Muppets. Ooooooooh the Muppets. Today is the first day of November, which means THIS is the month that 'The Muppet Movie' comes out. Can we take a minute to be overly excited about that? I'm not lying when I say that 'Muppet Treasure Island' is absolutely in my top 10 favorite movies of all time. Have you seen it? It's musical, it's hilarious, it's classic, it's got Tim Curry, the end.
Moving on to other things that I'm so excited about. I actually have been given a job for Thanksgiving this year. Okay well Real Thanksgiving AND Pretend Thanksgiving (I told you I would tell you about that when I'm good and ready and you'll just have to continue to be patient). I have NEVER been assigned a Thanksgiving job this far in advance and is actually legitimate (it's usually "um...can you stir those green beans over there?"). This is one of those moments in life where I feel like a real, live grown up. Despite my previous paragraph devoted to my love of the Muppets... Anyways! I get to provide rolls for Real Thanksgiving and for Pretend Thanksgiving, at mi madre's house, I get to provide apple crumble pie. But wait there's more. I'm also in charge of the vegetable tray. Oh I'm not done! There's more! Call now!! My mom felt the need for a chocolate dessert of some kind and I get to do that too!!! CAN YOU FEEL THE EXCITEMENT BUILDING?!?!?! I have no idea what chocolately confection I will be baking up, but I will have glorious amounts of fun looking through ridiculous amounts of cook books and copious amounts of websites, until I find the perfect treat.
In not so exciting news, speaking of whenever I have kids (yeah, you're guess is as good as mine, and my guess is not soon enough) I am getting all kinds of practice preparing for them. One thing that I am definitely ready for, is cleaning up really gross stuff. Special thanks to Pete. This isn't the first time he's been very sick (and, in all honesty, Mike cleaned up the majority of this particular mess). There have been PLENTY times before. I have found that if you're cleaning up something particularly undesirable, no matter which end of the dog it has come out of, it's best to just not think about what you're doing until you're done.
And that, my dear readers, is my word of wisdom for you today:
When cleaning up dog diarrhea and/or vomit, just don't think about it while you're actually performing the task.
Why I don't have a career like Martha Stewart is beyond me.