Future Brides Of America, Heed My Words:

The other day I was cleaning some chicken breasts before doing some something or other with them. Chicken and I have come a long way. When I first got married, and actually started cooking for real, I was terrified of chicken. I was so worried about contaminating myself, and everyone that I held dear, that I more often than not just cooked with ground beef. That gets preeeetty boring after awhile. But then! THEN! I found a crock pot recipe that let you just throw frozen chicken breasts into the pot without defrosting or anything wretched, and our relationship grew from there. (Baby steps...)

Anyways, I'm cleaning this chicken, and I look over at my knife block. My knife block looks at me. We both heave a disappointing sigh. My knives are....bleh. Unfortunately, they know it (hence the mutual sighs of disappointment). My block of knives is one of those cheap sets you can get at Wal-Mart for 20, MAYBE 30 bucks. There is an open slot where one of the bread knives used to live. It went kaput when I was cutting something and the blade separated itself from the handle. Lovely. These are the kinds of knives I just throw in the dishwasher because at this point, I'm not hand washing them (I feel, at this juncture in my train of thoughts, I should mention that when I had my little foray in culinary school, I did acquire 3 very good knives that have their own cases and sleep in the drawer next to all my knives and forks and spoons. The DO get handwashed and have lullabies sung to them. But a single chef's knife, a lonely bread knife, and one small paring knife can only get you so far when you wish you had about 5 more of each. Sometimes. Moving on).

One year for Christmas, my father in law gave my mother in law the most beeeeautiful set of knives. Henckles knives! Can you say fancy AND shmancy?? Henckles aren't my particular favorite, I'm more of a Messermeister type girl, but great googily moogily it's a glorious block of knives!! (Everytime I see Henckles knives, I think of the knife safety video that we had to watch my second week of culinary school, and I laugh a little inside. It was some official Henckles produced show, done by a chef who used to teach at the school I went to, and was not very well liked by chef instructors. He was a bit....full of himself? One of my chef instructors said "Now students, he is what you would call a tool." And really he was. He kept emphasizing the oneness we should have with our knives. I guess you just had to be there...)

Moving on some more, I recall one of my friends, a few months after I got married, having a wedding shower and posting pictures from it on Facebook (have you heard of that site? it's pretty popular). In one of the pictures, there she is hugging, kissing, and practically making out with a bright, RED, Kitchenaid mixer (Now, I looooooooove my Kitchenaid. It is, however, a very boring white and I bought it myself. Refurbished. This means it is neither red, nor was it brand new when I got it. Still, my love for it goes on. I sure hope it doesn't read this and decide to stop functioning... because then my life really would be over).

At about the moment, when I saw her making sweet love to her red Kitchenaid, I had an epiphany of the worst kind. The kind that comes too late. The kind that makes your brain say "I want one of those, why didn't I register for one of those?? These knives are the worst, why didn't I register for really really REALLY good ones?!?!?! Those dumb place mats I registered for, still have the tags on them!!! I never use stuff like that!!! WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!!!?"

The bottom line, Future Brides Of America (or FBOA), is that when registering for your new belongings, think good and long about what it is that you will be shooting with the scan gun. Take me along, if you would like. I like looking at kitchen things. And house things. And also Christmas things. Just ask the man I married.

In conclusion, I think it should become an American tradition that couples get to re-register a year or two into their marriage, because at that point they'll, hopefully, really know what it is they need in their lives. And then they can get it for free. Also, there should be a second wedding cake at this point because everyone loves cake. Or maybe pie. Cake at the original reception, pie at the second round of wedding presents when you actually have a clue in your head.

KitchenAid Pro 450 Series Bowl-Lift Stand Mixer - Empire Red KSM450ER

Here it is. The one I dream about. 4.5 quart capacity. Bowl-lift design. Red. Siiiiiiigh.