How To Have A Weird Morning

Step 1: Acquire a dog who has been acting unusual for the better part of 3 days. Like, doesn't wag his tail, acts like he's in trouble when he's not, might be giving up on life, and so on and so forth.

Oh wait wait wait.

The Real Step 1: Drop your husband's car off yesterday to get it fixed so that you will be required to take him to work this morning. Then rush home from working out with Exercise Man Ben to get Mike to work and get back home in time to shower away the satanic exercises (who needs to move a giant ball from between one's feet and one's hands while lying on one's back anyways?!) from the morning and get to work on time.

(insert the original Step 1 here)

Step 3: Have said unusual acting dog jump in the shower after you turn it on, and have him decide he wants a bath. Which you don't have time for. He's already getting wet so you oblige.

Step 4: Eat something, resembling food, very quickly, text your boss that you're running late, and crate your dog reluctantly (really, he's acting so unhappy...).

Step 5: Notice an odd amount of saliva coming from dog's mouth, declare this to be an emergency, decide to take him along to get 2 year old and then bring both dog and 2 year old back to one's apartment to spend the day. Pray with all of your might that said 2 year old will take a nap at your home. (Also, make note of the fact that the increased saliva may be due to the peanut butter you just gave the dog, but really your mind has reached some sort of crazy level at this point)

Step 6: Hem and haw over dog, play with 2 year old, decide to take dog to doctor (just in case).

Step 7: Field trip to the doctor's office.
Please, PLEASE, by all means make sure the dog goes completely whack (wanting to bite everyone in sight, including yourself) at the doctor's office, like to the point that the doctor says "Oh you're coming back next week for his annual? Here's some tranquilizers to give him a couple of hours before."

Step 8: Congratulate 2 year old "You were such a good girl in there Maggie! Good job!" despite all of the whacked-outness going on (and explain repeatedly that no she's not your child, and no your mother in law - who is the vet's office manager - did not forget to tell everyone she has a grandchild. Believe me she'll be shouting that one from the rooftops).
After congratulating 2 year old, look at dog and say "You were...cute? Pete."

Step 9: Call husband and explain that really we don't know what the heck is wrong with the dog but there is a fun syringe we get to shove up his nether regions and squirt out some sort of cleaning something, just in case it is some urinary something.

Step 10: Eat lunch with 2 year old and watch Jacques Pepin. You both enjoy this show actually.

Step 11: 2 year old miraculously passes out on your bed and is still asleep right now. Also the dog has been sleeping for the better part of ever since you got home.

Bonus, for a more enhanced experience: listen to Great Big Sea, so as to help keep some form of sanity throughout the morning, and curse Exercise Man Ben repeatedly for declaring chips and queso (and doughnuts) to be something that should be a treat only once a week. WHO DOES THAT?
Apply Chewbacca slippers when necessary.

What is wrong with that dog anyways....?

Addendum: Let it be known that Exercise Man Ben is not evil. Although the difficulty I have in sitting down is not very nice...