The Day I Stuck It To The Man

On my way home from work today, I had big plans. Plans that involved selling DVD's and textbooks. Plans that were hoping I would get at least $30 for the Intro to Lit book that I never used. Here's how the plans worked out:

Endeavor #1-sell a bunch of DVD's that I had cleaned out of our "library" (It was a lot easier to part with "Arrested Development" than I thought it would be)

The following is the Samuel L. Jackson version (don't worry, it's mostly G-rated) of my experience with Half-Priced Books (I was sticking it to the man, remember?). If you want the REAL version, just be patient and keep reading.

I walk up to the "sell your stuff" counter.
The girl demands my ID.
I throw it at her face and say "That's right! You better know who I am!"
She proceeds to tell me that it will be a 30  minute wait.
I proceed to peruse books about knives and mercenary work, while waiting to hear my name over the intercom.
84 minutes later, they call my name and give me my offer, at which point I say "That's right you'll give me 18 bucks for an entire bag of movies!!"
They then ring it up to give me my dang money, and they up and run out of receipt paper.
So some guy has to come and fix everything and I'm standing there, all impatient, twirling my gun around my finger, and he says "Here's your money! You killed my brother!!"
And then we had a shoot out.

But what really happened is
I walk up to the "sell your stuff" counter.
The girl asks for my ID.
The girl asks how to pronounce my name (thanks again, mom and dad, for giving me a name that's actually two names smooshed together).
She proceeds to tell me it will be 30 minutes.
I say "Okay!"
I proceed to peruse books about Christmas and baking and chocolate.
10 minutes after being told it would be 30 minutes, they call my name.
They tell me they'll give me 18 bucks for my stuff and I think "SURE! That's more than Goodwill would give me. And who needs goodwill anyways!?!?!?" (I didn't really think that last part)
They ring it up, and run out of receipt paper.
Some guy with a German (or possibly Dutch?) accent comes over and has to fix things.
He keeps apologizing over and over again, and I keep telling him over and over again that it's fine. This was all fitting within the 30 minute time frame I figured I'd be there anyways, so it really was no big deal. Like it would be anyways?
Before I go he gives me two coupons. TWO.


Endeavor #2-Sell back the unused Intro to Lit book (hopefully $30?)

First of all, just as I pull up to ACC, someone pulls out of a very front parking spot and I said "Yes please!"
THEN, when I got into the bookstore, there was no one waiting to be helped, so I went straight to the register. I know! They must've seen me coming and knew about all of the sticking it to the man I'd been doing all day!
When I ask if I can sell back my book, the lady's all "Weeeell, we'll see if it's worth anything...mopey mopey....blah blah blah...I'm Eeyore." She didn't really say those last few parts, but she sounded very doubtful of the book being worth anything. Meanwhile, her co-worker, who I'm thinking came from Russia or the Ukraine (why do we refer to it as THE Ukraine?), was going on and on about some 19 year old boy who was talking to her like he wanted to be punched in the face but then so and so said no don't do that unless you want to go to jail and then she was all he needs to respect me he's a 19 year old without a brain and I'm his elder and it was really very entertaining to listen to.
So then Eeyore comes back and says "Forty dollars." And I say "Okay!" but inside I'm saying "SHA-BAM!!!  TAKE THAT LIKE PREFERRED PARKING*!!"
I walked out of there with 2 very crisp 20's.


You really don't want to mess with this.

Or this:

*So, one time Darius, Donny, Chelsea, and I (and some other people, I can't remember who) went to Six Flags (the good one, in Arlington). And Chelsea was driving, and when we got up to the little toll booth lady at the entrance, she (the booth lady) asked "Do you want regular parking or preferred?" And Darius in the back seat says "Yeah!! Take that!" (meaning, let's park preferred so we don't have to wander in the desert 40 years to get to the rides) and it all happened so fast, and everyone was being loud, that Chelsea said "Yes, take that!" to the lady at the booth and we all cracked up in the back. 
So, really, the moral is, you just had to be there to hear how adamantly she said "Take that!" because ever since then we make it a point to say "Take that like preferred parking!" to Chelsea.
We also say "But what are the bunnies doing Miss Lenox?" That, however, pertains to the time she was substituting a first grade class, and that is a story for another time.